if u see me smiling in public it means im laughing at the jokes i tell myself in my head
if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember this one time in my english class, we were writing horror stories and one of the girls wrote “it was friday the 13th, the night before halloween” for her opening sentence
Forcing yourself to work on something that you have no real motivation for
when you ask ur crush who they like and they say someone else’s name and you act like you’re fine
my anaconda don’t want none unless u got cinnabons
U know when you were a kid and won a game in first place and there was that little bitch who went “first is the worst second is the best” like how the fuck did that even make sense
- 16 year old child: mom, dad: I'm gay/lesbian/bi/pan
- Straight parents: you're too young to know what your sexuality is! It's just a phase.
- Baby boy: *stares at a baby girl for no reason other than the fact that babies stare at everything*
- Straight parents: oooh! Ladies man! We're gonna have to keep the girls offa you!
Gym Instructor: So what’s your favourite machine to use here at the gym?
Me: The Vending Machine